


Running Away from Your Problems

by Glitch_Gamer



Category: Deadpool (Movieverse), Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Deadpool being Deadpool, Gen, LITERALLY, M/M, One Sided Love, Running Away, Spider-Man being whiny, chicken suit, random universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:48:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24671101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Glitch_Gamer/pseuds/Glitch_Gamer
Summary: Deadpool used to love patrolling the streets with New York’s friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man, but lately things have been a little awkward between them. Instead of confronting the issue head on, Deadpool opts to run away from his problems, but how long can he keep it up?Recently added link for visual novel based on this to end notes.
Relationships: Peter Parker & Wade Wilson, Slade Wilson & Wade Wilson
Kudos: 8





	Running Away from Your Problems

Nightly patrols with Spider-Man used to be a highlight for Deadpool, but recently, they had become more awkward than fun.

Deadpool was trying to ignore the awkwardness by focusing on the “don’t drink and drive” billboard with the dogs on it, but Spider-Man kept staring at him intensely with a weird look in his eyes, “Wade, why don’t you give me the attention you used to?”  
Deadpool turned to Spider-Man, “Huh? What are you talkin’ about Spidey? We still go on patrols every night.”  
“Yeah, well, you don’t…you know….you haven’t…” He shifted awkwardly. “…flirted with me in a long time. Do you not like me anymore?”  
Deadpool raised an eyebrow (or would have if he still had eyebrows), “Um, gee maybe that’s because you told me you were 17? In case you haven’t noticed, that means you’re a teenager, and I’m not a pedophile.”  
“Wouldn’t that be a hebephile?” Spider-Man corrected.  
Deadpool rolled his eyes, “Does the term really matter? It’s all illegal, and I’m not engaging in that shit. I only flirted with you because I thought you were a grown adult.”  
“But I have the maturity of an adult! Why do you have to treat me like a kid just because I’m 17?” Spider-Man argued.  
“Hey! The only thing that’s changed is the flirting! It’s not like I stop you from doing your hero thing,” Deadpool pointed out, holding his hands up.  
“So I’m old enough to risk my life doing crime fighting, but not old enough to make choices about who I want to be with?” Spider-Man huffed.  
“Be with?” Deadpool’s face contorted in confusion behind the mask. “I’m not telling you who you can and can’t screw. I’m just saying I don’t wanna flirt with a kid. I may not have many boundaries, but age is one of them.”  
“I’m very mature for my age.” Spider-Man insisted. “Why do you have to make a big deal over something so small?”  
“It ain’t small to me,” He patted Spider-Man reassuringly on the shoulder. “Don’t worry, Spidey. I’m sure you’ll find someone your own age to flirt with.”  
Spider-Man grabbed the hand on his shoulder, “But I only like you.”  
“Trust me, you’ll get over it, eventually,” the merc retorted, pulling his hand back.  
“Maybe I don’t want to.”  
“Man, you’re really showcasing that maturity right now.”  
“Stop toying with me, Wade. I lov—”  
“Look! A citizen in distress. I’ll go help them. You stay here and keep watch for any other problems.”

Wade jumped off the building they were both sitting on and slid down the side of the wall of the adjacent building.  
“I don’t see any problems! Wade, get back up here! Wade!” Spider-Man swung down after him.  
Deadpool quickly dashed through a nearby alleyway, desperately searching for a reason not to return to the roof. Luckily, he spotted Colossus and Negasonic Teenage Warhead nearby carrying groceries.  
“Colossus, buddy! You look in need of assistance,” Deadpool put his arm around Colossus. “Do you need me to hold your oranges?” He wiggled the skin where his eyebrows would be behind the mask.  
“Very funny, Wade,” Colossus replied, rolling his eyes. “Thank you for offering help, but I already have someone here to assist me.”  
“He can carry my share if he really wants too,” his teenage helper responded.  
“Sure, sure, anything to—” Deadpool froze as he sensed Spider-Man standing behind him.  
“Wade, why are you running away from? I’m trying to tell you something important.”  
Carp!...or is it supposed to crap. Damn author and his inability to type properly. Deadpool thought to himself.  
“Oh, well, if you have something important to discuss with Spider-Man, we won’t keep you,” Colossus started to walk, but Negasonic stayed where she stood.  
“Oh, come one. He’s finally offering to be helpful instead of just annoying. Can’t this thing with Spider-Man wait til after?” she grumbled, rolling her eyes.  
“No!” Spider-Man insisted.  
“Wait!”Deadpool called after them.  
“Goodbye, Wade.” Colossus waved and continued to walk followed by a sullen Negasonic.

“Wait a minute! Colossus, Negasonic, get back here!” Deadpool futilely reached towards the retreating X-Men.  
Spider-Man stepped in front of him, “Wade, why are running from me? Do you hate me? Or are you afraid of your own reaction to the fact that I—”  
“Hate chimichangas? You monster! I don’t want to waste any more time with you!” He pretended to run away tearfully.  
“Wait, why are you getting mad at me over something you made up?” Spider-Man continued to follow him.  
Deadpool ran down several streets and alleyways desperately trying to lose Spider-Man, but he followed closely behind him at every turn.  
Damn it! I guess I’ll need to get more creative.

As he turned another corner, Deadpool used a smoke bomb to cover his escape. He then took this opportunity to crawl in the window of a nearby restaurant.  
“Phew, safe at last!” he sighed, collapsing to the floor.  
“Hey, wait a minute, you’re not an employee! What are you doing back here?” questioned an angry old lady in a black suit.  
Deadpool got up off the floor and dusted himself off, “Just seeking sanctuary. Do you have somewhere I could hide for a few minutes?”  
“This ain’t no church nor any other place where you can seek “sanctuary”. Either buy something or get a job here!” the old lady retorted, angrily.  
Deadpool silently cursed the fact that he didn’t carry his wallet while working, “Can I get something on a tab?”  
“No!”  
“Okay, do you have a job for me then?”

After finding no sign of Deadpool in the alleyway, Spider-Man decided to inspect the nearby streets.  
Where could he have gone? It’s not like he can actually blend in wearing a bright red and black suit…Spider-Man thought, scanning the area.  
As he walked by one of the restaurants, he noticed a rather energetic employee attempting to draw in more customers with…a chicken suit? Well, the place was known for their chicken.  
The strange white chicken suit covered the worker from head to toe, except for his face…which was very conspicuous…especially because he was wearing a bright red and black mask.  
“Wade, seriously?” Spider-Man sighed.  
“Oh crap. You’ll never catch me alive,” Deadpool exclaimed, running away in the chicken suit.  
“Hey, I didn’t give you permission to take any time off!” the old lady from before yelled after him, shaking her fist.  
“I quiiiiiiiiiiiit!” he yelled over his shoulder, while continuing to run.  
“Wait, Wade get—” Spider Man was about to run after Deadpool when the old lady grabbed his collar.  
“What do you think you’re doing, scaring off my workers like that?” she yelled. “Don’t you have actual crime fighting or patrolling to do?”  
Spider-Man held his hands up, defensively, “Yes, but I can’t exactly do that with you holding onto my collar.”  
The lady’s frown deepened, “Don’t you smart mouth me, young man!”  
As Spider Man futilely tried to convince the lady to let him go, Deadpool ran down several more streets and alleyways. When he turned the corner on alleyway number 10, he noticed a potentially suspicious person.

The tall and muscular man was carrying a similar amount of fire power to Deadpool himself. The most striking thing was the mask he wore: half orange and half black. One dark eye glared as Deadpool sauntered over to him, trying to strike a sexy pose, but failing in part due to his ridiculous costume.  
“Hey there, I wanna be the hen to your cock,” he flirted, cocking his hip to one side.  
The man’s eye narrowed in annoyance, “That is literally the worse pick up line I’ve ever heard.”  
Deadpool pretended shocked, “Really? The worst? How about you really ruffle my feathers in a good way.”  
“Who the hell are you and why are in a chicken suit?” the man questioned, folding his arms in front of his chest, clearly unimpressed.  
“Where are my manners? Oh wait, I never had any. The name’s Deadpool, baby, the king of cool or Deadcool for short,” he said winking.  
The man groaned in annoyance, “That stupid joke shows you are the opposite of cool.”  
“Hey, I am cool and you’re hot. They do say opposites attract,” Deadpool wiggled his lack of eyebrows.  
“…” The look in the man’s eye was somewhere between shocked at the stupidity of that and just straight up annoyed.  
Deadpool put a hand on his hip, “Stunned by my smooth-talking?”  
“I’m just amazed that you can deliver all those ridiculous lines with a seemingly straight face,” the man replied.  
“Oh, I’m never ridiculous, baby, just eccentric,” he winked again.  
If he weren’t wearing a mask, you would probably have seen the man raising an eyebrow, “Is that also why you’re wearing a chicken suit?”  
“That’s…it’s more complicated than that,” Deadpool rubbed the back of his head nervously.  
“Of course. I’m sure many people have deep, complex reasons for wearing chicken suits,” the man retorted, sarcastically.  
“Hey, it probably happens more than you think,” quipped Deadpool, feigning outrage.  
“Waaaaddddeeee!” Spider-Man ran up behind Deadpool.  
“Hey, Spidey, meet my new boyfriend,” Deadpool stepped closer to the mystery man who leaned away from him.  
“What?!” Spider-Man looked at the two of them with shock and disbelief.  
“You literally don’t even know my name,” the man pointed out.  
“Play along, I’ll explain later,” Deadpool whispered behind his hand.  
“Look, I don’t know what’s going on, but I have a job to do.” The man adjusted his arm guards. “Go bother someone else with your weird game of dress up or whatever this is.”  
“Wait, take me with you!” Deadpool reached for the other man. “Or at least give me your name.”  
“I don’t have time for this…” he groaned, turning to leave.  
Deadpool followed him, “Oooo, so mysterious. Maybe I should give you a nickname to describe your sexiest features. You have very thick, muscular thighs. Maybe I’ll call you sexy legs or Mr. thick thighs or—”  
“Deathstroke.”  
“Huh?”  
“If you call me anything but Deathstroke, I’ll cut your tongue out,” the man threatened, turning to leave.  
“Jokes on you, it’ll just grow back,” Deadpool called after him.  
“Wade, did you really think you could get away from me?” Spider-Man ground out, gripping Deadpool’s shoulder.  
“Maybe…” Deadpool muttered.  
Spider-Man moved in front of Deadpool to look him in the eye, “You need to hear my true feelings.”  
“And you don’t know how to take a hint,” Deadpool retorted.  
“Take what hint? That you’re scared of what I might say?” Spider-Man took a step closer to Deadpool. “Or scared of how you might react?”  
“I don’t want to hear what you have to say because I want to stay friends without it being awkward…although it’s probably too late for that,” Deadpool admitted.  
Spider-Man leaned in until his face was a few inches from Deadpool, “Are you afraid that if I admit my feelings, you’ll have to face the fact that you might feel the same way?”  
“Nope. For the last time, I’m not a pedophile,” Deadpool retorted pushing Spider-Man’s face away.  
“If my age bothers you, we could wait a year.”  
“Look, I only see you as a friend. Just because I flirt with people, doesn’t mean I want a serious relationship with them.”  
“But—”  
“We are friends, kiddo, and that’s all we’ll ever be,” Deadpool sighed in exasperation.  
“…”  
An awkward silence hung in the air for only a few moments before Deadpool felt the need to fill the air with inane chatter.  
“F. R. I. E. N. D. S. That reminds me. There was a song made about this sort of thing. You really ought to give it a listen. It should answer all of your questions and concerns,” Deadpool patted Spider-Man’s shoulder as he started to walk past the teen.  
After pausing for a moment, Spider-Man called after him, “I’m not giving up. Someday, you’ll care enough to hear me out.” Then the teen swung off into the night.  
“Ah, he’ll get over it,” Deadpool tried to reassure himself. “Now I really need to return the chicken suit before the old lady blows a gasket.”

**Author's Note:**

> Whiny Spidey was my working title before I came up with something more creative. I'm not marking this as "Underage" because there is no underage romance or anything like that (Deadpool does not love Spider-Man).  
> The Friends song by Marshmello ft Anne-Marie is almost like the theme of this story.  
> Here's a link to an MMD animation of this song with Deadpool and Spider-Man:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VvnYycnkFAU
> 
> I recently posted a visual novel I made based on the first part of this story.  
> Itchio link: https://glitch-gamer.itch.io/whiny-spidey  
> Gamejolt link: https://gamejolt.com/games/whiny-spidey/508016


End file.
